Positive Discipline Starts with The Parents- Part 1
Some parents are lucky enough to have angel children who never misbehave but the majority of us have to sometimes put up with thrown toys, screams and slammed doors in our faces. The way we handle these situations, behave ourselves and discipline our children really matters. Here are some tips that we’ve gathered from a few experts.
Understand The Meaning Behind The Behavior
As parents, it’s our job to be selfless and to be cognitive of what’s going on with our children. Taking the time to really know our children gives us the opportunity to understand why they are acting certain ways. Naomi Aldort, the author of “Raising our Children, Raising Ourselves,” says that children are born wanting to behave well. If they seem to miss the mark, there’s a valid reason for it. “The most important [thing] is to realize that whatever a child does, we may label as bad, [but really] the child is doing the best he can. It’s our job as parents to find out why [he is] doing it,” says Aldort. “Once we know the valid root of the behavior, we can easily remove the cause or heal the emotions, and the child won’t be driven to behave in that way anymore.”
Ask yourself if your child is acting out for a certain reason. Have they been getting enough attention? Are they acting out to be noticed? Is there a certain correction you can make to your own behavior that might positively affect your child? “A lot of what we expect of children is unreasonable,” says Aldort.
Be Willing To Adjust Your Own Behavior
Our children pick up on our behaviors. It’s often hard to keep calm in the heat pf the moment but how we react to situations is often how our children will grow up to react to situations. Dr. Katharine Kersey, author of “The 101s: A Guide To Positive Discipline,” says that parents need to model the types of behavior they want their kids to emulate. Leading by example is very powerful. ” We should not do anything in front of [our children] that we don’t want them to do,” she says.
Consistency is everything in parenting. Being consistency is very healthy for our children. Aldort says that parents often overlook certain behaviors and hope it will pass. That is a lazy perspective. It will not pass. If your child bites another child, for instance, hold their hand and them their behavior was unacceptable. If they continue, it’s time to remove them from the situation and handle it.
Sometimes a child might try to test the limits by arguing with the rules. When this happens, Fay suggests neutralizing negotiations by repeating one simple mantra as often as necessary: “I love you too much to argue.”
Let’s all strive to understand our children, exemplify positive behavior and be consistent in with our parenting styles and discipline patterns. Stay tuned for part 2 with even more advice on utilizing positive discipline in the home.